there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
