let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
