Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
