dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
