I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
