Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
