FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
