So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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