Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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