lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
