I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
