I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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