Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
