My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
