Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
