she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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