I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize