Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
