At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
