Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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