I puked a lego.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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