ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
