PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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