I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We are two peas in an std pod
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
