Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
