she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
