he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Every concussion has its silver lining
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
