i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
