i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
