READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
