Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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