I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
