Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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