I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
