If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
