If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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