Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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