I think I won the penis lottery.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
