at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
