Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
