We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
