my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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