Dual....:-)
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
