No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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