I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
