Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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