This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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