There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
