"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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