Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
