One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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