the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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