we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
