I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My cat gives me a boner
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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