my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
