You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
