Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
