According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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