Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
