I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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