What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
