Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
